{"id":447,"date":"2014-03-08T23:07:24","date_gmt":"2014-03-09T03:07:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/45.79.82.122\/blogs\/natterings\/?p=447"},"modified":"2014-03-09T10:05:42","modified_gmt":"2014-03-09T14:05:42","slug":"if-i-could-live-on-air-and-water","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/natterings.com\/?p=447","title":{"rendered":"if I could live on air and water"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s not often I flay myself for folks to read, though I’m not exactly known for aiming kindness my own way. \u00a0Anyway. \u00a0My lovely husband and I are attending FogCon<\/a> at the moment, which is a charming little literary sf\/f convention. \u00a0Highly recommended, well organized.<\/p>\n

So, the tale. \u00a0We decided tonight to get room service for dinner. \u00a0Now, we had lunch at …11:30ish? \u00a0It’s 7 now. \u00a0And I was hungry! \u00a0So we ordered a glomp of food, a true glomp. \u00a0Or what I saw as a glomp because I’m completely disordered about food and appropriateness. \u00a0So when the nice young waiter brought our food and it was on\u00a0a special table<\/em> due to\u00a0so many plates<\/em>, I immediately slipped into a sort of humiliation fugue state. \u00a0With every perfectly reasonable dish he uncovered, I grew more and more wretched.<\/p>\n

Finally, at the end of the recitation, I heard myself telling this bullshit story about how we hadn’t eaten all day, and wow, and it was going to feel good to finally have food, and …I just lied. \u00a0I straight up lied<\/em> to a young man I’ll never see again because I was\u00a0so horrified<\/em> with the amount of food we ordered. \u00a0(for the record, we each had chicken tenders and fries, and an appetizer, and split a dessert. \u00a0not that it matters) \u00a0He walked out after mumbling some reassurance that really meant “I-don’t-care-lady.” \u00a0My husband looked at me and said, “Oh honey<\/em>,” and I burst into tears.<\/p>\n

There are days I wish I could cut off my stomach with a knife. \u00a0There are days when I wish I really could<\/em> live on air and water, rather than ever put any food into my mouth ever again. \u00a0There are days when I want so badly to not be in the body I’m in<\/em> that I can barely stand it.<\/p>\n

I mean…I’m doing good things for myself. \u00a0I think I’ve lost a little weight lately, I’ve been working out, I’ve been eating better. \u00a0But seriously, one imagined case of side-eye from a hotel waiter, and I was nearly hysterical. \u00a0I put myself in jails, and food is just one more set of bars.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s not often I flay myself for folks to read, though I’m not exactly known for aiming kindness my own way. \u00a0Anyway. \u00a0My lovely husband and I are attending FogCon at the moment, which is a charming little literary sf\/f convention. \u00a0Highly recommended, well organized. So, the tale. \u00a0We decided tonight to get room service […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[7],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/natterings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/447"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/natterings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/natterings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/natterings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/natterings.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=447"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/natterings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/447\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":449,"href":"https:\/\/natterings.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/447\/revisions\/449"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/natterings.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=447"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/natterings.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=447"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/natterings.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=447"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}